an optimistic attitude i shall carry on my shoulder.

this week was a tough one. First and foremost, I am fully aware that life is not a bed of roses but heck, mine is going downhill pretty fast. I'm not dying or anything but i'm starting to get a taste of life. a dose of reality. its harsh and bitter, i'm not gonna lie. this week have successfully opened up my eyes to a whole new chapter. that things don't always go as planned? i know,i know and i've heard it a thousand times before. But somehow i assumed that as long as you have a plan, things will just fall into place. so now i know by first hand, that it isn't all that.

maybe i've been overlooking the warnings before. maybe i was blinded by what i was given. maybe i had been so selfish and naive earlier. maybe.

with all the time in my hands, i've taken on a full-time position as a potato-couch or 'hanging out'-er. Now wait, i DO enjoy the remote stuck on the palm of my hands and walking around aimlessly. WHICH REGULAR TEEN (i'm left with the last 2 months of my life as a teen btw) DOES NOT ENJOY THAT? THATS WHAT WE LIVE FOR (i assume for the regular mat and minah's out there)

However theres only so much programs i could watch and places i could go. As it is, SG is small as fuck. (I should be able to use profanites in my own humble space w/o offending anyone hopefully.) For most of the rest of the FREE time, in between reading Doraemon mangas and charging a flat-out playstation-portable has left me in deep thoughts. Those are dangerous, i reckon.

Yet in one of those ~deep conversations within~ i have always come out with a common struggle of debate (i guess btw the evil and the good fool left in me lulz) most basically subjected/categoried under the topic of;




My inner 'pious' spirit would love to pacify my heart by saying 'the good shall be rewarded in the afterlife thingamagik'

but what above those half-past ten souls like me. im neither here or there. i'm not pious but i'm not exactly a delinquent either. I'd like to think of myself as a neutral being. (my mom's opinion does not matter in this paragraph HAHA!)

besides, between getting rewarded in this life or the after (in which i have no validation) i would very much prefer to be awarded a nice smooth ride right about now, thank you.

I do not really want to touch on religion, mostly because it is a sensitive issue and i'm not exactly the smart alek person to preach and the whatnot and most importantly i am BROKE AS A JOKE and getting sued will not exactly do good for anyone especially me and my mom's power to DISOWN ME, tyvm.

Generally, i have come up with a little more than a few 'life experiences' or acquaintaces which i observe to be "sinners moving on to be winners"

My main point is simple. I see the sinners gliding through life, having fun and then repenting. I'm talking about being given chances and them falling in place for them.

What about the saints? I see them suffering. I see them struggling.

I am not talking about anyone in general.

Now if these are the key to the game, then i say we should all be sinners shouldn't we? Then we all get an easy way out.

but surely theres more to life, i don't think its THAT easy to decipher.

/end of rant.

wow, i must be PMS-ing. i will getting back to painting my nails while watching Nanny 911 to ~neutralise~ my soul (and i could use some kaya toast and iced milo too)